I feel like I’ve gone off the radar a bit since having my baby in March 2016. I’m sorry about this! To everyone that has messaged to share that you have missed my writing and teachings, thank you. My heart and mind long to write – it’s what I’m born for, and 1 of the activities I adored most as a child. I didn’t expect my desire to drop out of the online world to happen, and did not know that my daughter would bring about such a desire for PRESENCE that I hadn’t previously experienced!
There was a profound clarity that I did not want to be a distracted mom with my cell phone always in hand as I experienced the new baby days, which is what I would have needed to do to divide my time between running my incredible business and home life. I really thought that I would have appreciated having both in my life so fully, but it wasn’t true – and we did not have the support system set up for this. I know moms who cannot wait to get back to work, some who say they have to, and others that drop it all together. All of it is ok.
It was very difficult for me to shift my focus from the happy hustle to the slow paced mom life. I could not find balance with work even though I danced with it for some time – it felt near impossible to have a fair amount of time allotted for laptop work / handcrafting products and shipping them, and so much more. I didn’t want to divide my time between quality time on the computer and quality time with my baby, and motherhood reigned without question and my business immediately re-located to 2nd place. Maybe the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, though I knew that my message was evergreen and there WOULD be a more appropriate time to express it again – perhaps in a different, even more exciting way!
It was most certainly for the best, and during the 1st newborn year I spent tons of time really considering what was genuinely working (shocking yet beautiful revelations), what I truly enjoyed (remembering what I reveled in as a kid), and what needed to change behind the scenes. I chose to take a massive hit financially and with my creative expression for the sake of being present, not missing a beat with Ella Pearl. It was not easy at all – but what was what my spirit wanted most!
I did try to keep things going as I had been during pregnancy, but I just couldn’t put in the time required to create and manage multiple product lines anymore. I lost interest in pursuing certain projects with such energy as before. I wanted to be a mom (!!), and come in to the mastery of it (meaning – reaching my own level of comfort in learning to be a mother, without the opinions and projections of other people influencing me).
I devoured every minute of learning about how to be an awesome parent & rejoiced in this new upgrade to my life. I realize you don’t “master” motherhood and that we’re always learning and growing as parents, but in that 1st year you DO get to a level of such comfort and knowingness and it’s re-assuring.
This 1st Year of Life Child Developent PDF is a good depiction of what I implemented, unknowing that it was an actual approach:
There’s a few pieces of wisdom that I’m inspired to share with you and it’s what I would have liked to have embodied PRIOR to conceiving. These are the most important things that were true for ME, and I suspect other mamas will have sincere advice that is relevant and grand (share in the comments!). Because I did not have these things to the degree I desired, the lack of them created circumstances that impacted my early mama days. I know many can relate, so here we go!
1) Be financially stable and / or financially free (via passive income). If you have money troubles and worries, it will put a damper on your emotions, situation, and impact your day to day because the stress level will be unnecessarily higher. If you are family planning, build a secure family funding source(s) – preferably multiple sources of income – so that you have this in place and solid (ideally) before you become pregnant, and especially before the birth of your baby. It will provide for a different experience than you’ll have otherwise.
I’m sure this will meet with some resistance, people saying that it’s not possible for them, not realistic, etc. I encourage you to let your future babies INSPIRE you to greatness, to want even more for yourself, even if that means your partner changing careers (mine did!), becoming an entrepreneur with an immediate income (such as information products), negotiating a higher salary, moving positions, or investing in bitcoin and other related investments. Take a brutal honest look to see if your situation is actually working REALLY WELL.
When your partner / spouse is away from home for much of the day working to make a living (whether they hate it or love it), and you do not have friends coming in to join hands with you as you spend your days with your little angel, there can be a tendency toward greater levels of exhaustion and feeling alone – because you are!
I’ve been in tons of conversations with mama’s about this and every single one who experienced this felt the same. It was not an ideal scenario for me … I went thru this separation for the 1st 14 months post birth and it was a completely different way of life once my man was able to be home with us more often (I’m crazy proud of the changes he initiated FOR US, and the Universe rewarded him as she usually does!).
It has been VERY DIFFERENT for me having him with us more hours of the day! We’re now at 15.5 months and I’m still adapting to the fact that I have some help. I got used to having to handle every situation on my own, and in retrospect I see what a blessing this was in training me to feel confident in my skills as a mother. He is in daddy-o bliss and balances his time with work well! Still works hard, just shifted to way less hours which led to a higher income (aka leverage) – and out of the time for money lifestyle (some consider it a form slavery & a feast or famine cycle, making it hard to ever get ahead).
My point is that the more money struggle you have, the harder your time postpartum will be. What happened to me was that even though I had built a 6-figure business, my expenses to keep it going were very high and profit not as high as the expenses (ha), with such effort, time around the clock, and diligence to maintain – that it became overwhelmingly clear something needed to change ASAP once Ella Pearl arrived. She was a huge blessing for a million reasons, and this is yet another. It forced me to change my business in awesome ways and streamline.
I was able to simplify my business and shift my focus from a multi-products based biz (I sold / managed approx 30 sku’s at one point), to a more service based one: I’ve coached a small number of super committed pre-conception preparation clients, done high level chef gigs, and provided private chocolate making workshops.
I discontinued my skincare line, held off on my sensual chocolate love production (with few exceptions), and really expanded my herbal elixir blend’s exposure by opening more wholesale accounts with holistic wellness practitioners. I’m so grateful to those who continue to love and appreciate my creations that I currently share on ETSY! Thank you ♥
2) Intentionally create your village tribe. Women need good friends, and mamas need a goddess troupe. It’s really all the same; we need loving sisters that stay by our side, support our journey, and are a presence that we can count on thru thick and thin.
Mamas need to have an extended TEAM that is near and dear to help with the household chores especially in the early days (hire a non-toxic eco housecleaner and you’ll save time, sanity, and preserve your productive nature – at least for me, I work better when my home isn’t a mess).
In the Philippines, the concept of yaya’s are common, which is like a nanny in the states, but instead of just watching your baby, they help with all the other things imaginable. It’s inexpensive, easy to come by, and everyone has one.
Here though, women can often be found alone with their baby, wearing many hats (incl housekeeper, business owner, pet caretaker, and more). At some point you may decide that a nanny is a viable option so you can do more activities as your baby grows up and becomes more independent.
In my experience, many moms are home with their babes and maintain a texting relationship with some of their friends, the ones that still stay in touch despite such a dramatic change in her life. Some mamas don’t see friends very often and it can bring about a sense of loneliness in motherhood, despite the blessing that is ever-present.
HAVE SUPPORT. Build your extended family before you give birth. Have as much in place as possible so that you aren’t without sisterhood in mamahood. Join a mom’s group / mama yoga group during pregnancy! Search for the one that aligns and feels like a great fit. I didn’t do this and wish I had – it was a mistake. I thought I would not be able to relate to the moms because I’m so unconventional and this mindset isolated me. But, it was also just me wanting to preserve my confident mindset around natural med-free birth …
Reserve money aside to be able to hire the help you need, such as appointments with holistic wellness practitioners, a nanny (sharing 1 is apparently common where I live), dog runner, ab rehab classes – anything that will keep you firing on all cylinders and feeling optimal!
I’d say that if the Universe aligns to have any of your friends get pregnant within 6 months of when you have, that would be GLORIOUS.
Often our closest tribe is our partner, pets, and close family (parents, siblings and very close local friends). I’ve found that my connection to Mark is by far the strongest sense of support I could ever imagine, and he’s the reason I’m able to see truths about myself, and some friendships, that I was previously denying. He’s a catalyst for my highest expression .. forever & always with more evolving to come!
3) Pride yourself in the cocoon concept. This I did VERY well. Create a mental + energetic space for yourself where you shut out fear-based people, opinions, and conversations. Release those from your life that program you to believe scary thoughts, and that are always the ones pointing out what could go wrong.
Surround yourself with higher vibrational folks that BELIEVE IN YOU, encourage you, and that want to hear what YOU think (and then are open-minded or support it), and are a positive light in your presence. Read books that are empowering, that teach you ancient wisdom ways and practices of those that were not plagued by the matrix in the way we are today.
Ask your friends what the most empowering book they’ve ever read has been! Get the conversation started, and continue it. When you’re in a conversation about your plan (for having a family, or you what you desire for birth) and someone starts to say “Oooh, you really need to or should do X…” STOP THEM POLITELY and say, “You know I really am clear about what I want and can create, and am already aware of the other perspectives (such as negative birth stories, having a plan B, etc), so if what you’re going to say to me is preparing me for something that I may not experience (one women’s experience is not a guaranteed experience for another woman), let’s shift the conversation to something else.” 😁
Let’s stay in touch and share in this beautiful wild journey of motherhood! The more we celebrate each other, offer our love, care, and kindness to one another – the easier it will be and more confident we’ll feel as we bring this next generation forward with mindfulness, respect, and in trust. I’d love to hear from you any advice you may have for those planning to have kids in the near future, and what you would share with them as important ingredients to have in place!
Please share this with your friends if you’ve found it helpful. Gratitude!
PEACE & LOVE! ♥ ♥ ♥