An Unfriendly Habit: Women Unnecessarily Judging Other Woman

Something has been crawling under my skin and I am nearly through the process of transcending it. By sharing my thoughts, it becomes more resolved. You know how I knew it was time to write about it? It kept bothering me, I’d cry about it because I felt so hurt, and then a couple others in my circle mentioned they experienced something similar and gave some seriously supportive perspective. Gatta love your real friends, ya know?

This is true for so many issues in life. It’s most beneficial if we can have the opportunity to spend time in reflection (maybe even solitude) to understand why something is occurring in our life. We emerge on the other side free and liberated! It’s a quick and easy way to get through obstacles of all kinds – by being in our own head and working it out in due time.

The point of this article is to remind you that knowing your own truth is all that matters.

Why do women wrongfully judge other women? Let’s deep sea dive into the depths of reason here.

Conscious disclaimer – this is a rant, beware. I fully understand the argument that everyone makes judgments in life. What I’m writing about here is besides that point. There are inherent judgments that we make which are a natural part of living and are the very reason we are where we’re meant to be. This is the highest version of judgment, as it’s really just being discerning, and we must have strong opinions as we cruise through life or we set ourselves up for mediocrity, passive / aggressive tendencies, or apathy. Discernment is intelligent, blatant judgment is cruel.

This sharing is specifically about women placing judgment upon women unnecessarily. I have been blessed to have been judged, and this most special time in my life (during pregnancy) has been the perfect opportunity to see why I would have ever attracted this as I’ve consciously chosen to spend a great deal of my time quiet in my happy home & energetic bubble.

You see, there was a part of me that was judging ME, and it took 2 women to inappropriately shine the spotlight on my greatest vulnerabilities, to see that I was wrong to judge myself – even if they did. It took someone outside of myself, to judge me – in order for me to forgive me.

Being judged made it exceptionally perfectly clear that I was, and am exactly where I need to be. The timing of the events that have unfolded could not have been better. For every move I’ve made that has gotten me to my present life, I am infinitely grateful – and I genuinely hope you are too.

In this process though – I questioned myself, and let it percolate over time. Having another flip the light on to ME though, I was able to see me even more clearly. The unbelievable, undeniable beauty of the journey for us all should not be questioned, unless it is by our own mind.

It is not up to anyone else to think they know better for us, or that they can improve upon decisions we’ve made. It works well if we raise our standards together with the spirit family surrounding us (community, tribe, sisters, etc). We can allow our dear ones to be as they are, acknowledging their path as their own. Let them be free to live their life as it’s likely guiding them to extreme joy, peace, and harmony that maybe they’ve never felt before on that level. 🙂

What if what this REALLY is about is that we admire something in another woman’s life – we want it for ourselves, maybe are even envious (!!?) and so to the woman who has it, we judge. Not such a far-fetched idea when you sit down to really think about it.

Can we look up to our fellow females and just adore them for all they are, without internally criticizing our own body, life, and choices? When I look to a recent email conversation from an anonymous person, making a seemed to be blatant judgment about me and my glorious life, I now see that I have what they want. This is not being high up on the ego train, it’s the truth, as pointed out to me by close friends and my partner. What a breath of fresh air and refreshing perspective!


If something has been bothering you like it has me, get in the bath, sweat it out like crazy, pour out your heart and write about it! I imagine it’s like psychotherapy times 100.

Consider: Is the act of judgment sacred by any means? Won’t sisterhood, friendship, and woman to woman connection on this planet reach a higher vibration if we release this persistent act of deflecting our own issues onto another?

What does our fellow sister, friend, or human being truly need? To feel as though they are less than perfect than they already are? Perhaps they already torture themselves to a varying degree, and don’t need the help of someone else in doing this. This is why it’s a beautiful behavior to LOOK IN THE MIRROR whenever you feel inclined to lash outward.

Judgment is an obvious way to take the focus off of YOU, and to shine the light on another for something you do not agree with. However, who said your opinion was right, or even valid and correct? If we do not know the full picture – aka all the details – of another person’s life – their path – process – or the way in which they got to be where they are, do we stand with a right to assume we do?

Aren’t women meant to rise together? To hold hands and with strong arms bring each other up? To grab each others back with fierce acknowledgement to say, “hey – I got you. You can count on me right now. I won’t turn my back on you. I won’t hold your struggle (or journey) against you.”

Gossip (talking about your friends to your other friends, and trying to get them on your side) is immature. It’s dragging drama into life when there doesn’t need to be any!

Every woman has their own weakness. Whether it’s in their choices, their past, their self-hatred thoughts or self-demeaning talk, or feeling inadequate as being the full representation of the feminine that they long to be…

Does it feel like a moral act to kick this woman when she’s down!!? (and how would you know what she’s going through privately). If we cannot trust our own wild feminine clan to be there for us… well, that’s just a sad, sad reality if it were to be true.

Judgment often means you don’t know the whole story. You may know pieces. You may have put together your own conclusions. You may have done the math incorrectly.

You may have calculated in trying to figure something out but are failing miserably because it’s not your life or situation to figure out.

Wouldn’t the energies of our world be brighter if we were to look at and admire fellow women for how far along we’ve all come?

Who are you to say that a woman should have acted in a different way than she did? What if it was precisely her actions that healed her at the deepest level possible? God – spirit – the Universe – works in mysterious ways!!

What if she deserves to be standing exactly where she is because of the treacherous road finally behind her, and now understands that the Universe has perfectly orchestrated it all in her favor… and is deeply thankful for every second of what had to transpire to get her here.

Could it be someone’s subconscious intention when judging to make another feel insecure about their choices? You know, where one shines the light on what others are doing “wrong” and makes them feel bad about it.

Look in the mirror. Judge only whom you see. I invite the awakened women of our world to stop bringing attention to other women, with a disconnecting energy of drama underneath.

NEXT – Forgive yourself for participating in this defiant act, lacking in human kindness, and make amends where needed. If the one who has judged has chosen to not make peace just yet, realize it’s not personal. Don’t let it get the best of you (easier said than done). We are often judged by those closest to us, or by those who don’t even know us well enough to judge accurately. All of it is bizarre and a waste of precious life force! Laugh it off – know what is real for you.

It is the one who hurts others, who ultimately suffers. The Universal life force – spirit – God – the angels everywhere – are not blind. We are accountable as human beings to be good people. You cannot get away with behavior that is less than the best ever and not expect karma to come kick you in the ass in some way, down the road. You’ll feel those emotions you’ve given to someone else soon enough.

Truths are often hard to embrace. It’s easier to say you are something, stand for something, and embody this way – and fall short in real life.

Do you put forth the same respect with everyone in your life? It may feel best to gently watch out for the ones who are judgmental with someone you know, and not you.

Living in FULL INTEGRITY is healing and positively transformational. You know why? Because no one will ever know if you are, or if you’re lying. However, it’s an amazing way to feel solid in who you are, build confidence & to know thyself fully. One of the greatest gifts, is to know your own truth – whether anyone outside of yourself is in agreement with it or not.


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About Bethanne Wanamaker

Bethanne Wanamaker is a certified holistic nutritionist, conscious living expert, and the founder of Edible Goddess, an international health & lifestyle brand that cares deeply about your empowerment. She teaches progressive strategies that awaken you to your highest potential by following the body's inherent wisdom and aligning with an intentional mindset, holistic approach, self nourishing practices, and high self value. Bethanne advocates gradual yet significant shifts of upgraded dietary choices that ultimately lead you to the freedom and confidence of eating intuitively. By living in harmony with nature, you can have what you want. She is known for getting results quickly with committed clients who want to live a wildly rewarding, super fun, truly healthy and happy life!